Pics coming soon!

So I'm just waiting to get my last projects back from Barb, and then I will scan in what I've done for my class so far...
They've turned out SO awesome btw. We did a critique today, and I got some really interesting and great feedback... I want to show y'all my "Memory" project to see what you get out of it before I go off on it (I actually had 3 diff pics I really liked for different reasons).
The next projects I have (I think they're my last two, which makes me sad, this class has flown by (unlike geology... as long a I pass, right?)) are a portrait and a self-portrait project- which makes me excited because we get to "play" with out self-portraits in the dark room, I can't wait.

I have to tell ya, I'm kinda bummed and wanting another project for my portfolio- I've had two diff. bridals cancel on me in the last month, and I was so excited! I need to put more of my work on here... what can I say, I'm a bit of a slacker. ;) lol

So I'm kinda excited about the photo shoot I'm going on in the morning. Barb- my awesome photo teacher- gave us an assignment about "Memory", basically she wants us to shoot one of our memories: how it made us feel, what it reminds us of.... the memory in the abstract you could say. I decided to do it on my Grandmother and her death, and its impact on me.

My Grandma committed suicide two years ago.

I cannot tell you how much that impacted me and how it is still impacting me. When my Dad told me, the breath knocked straight out of my lungs. For some reason I had NEVER considered the idea that someone who was old would commit suicide, I don't know why, but the thought hadn't ever entered my mind. That was why it was such a shock I think. And to have it be my Grandma... I couldn't even grasp the concept. I was hurt and shocked and angry and heart-broken. Granted, and this is my disclaimer for any of my family who may read this, she might have actually been herself when it happened, nevertheless, for the sake of my emotion, it still traumatized me deeply.

And it was so premeditated! She did it when we were all at her family reunion. She bascially walked a few blocks away, took off her glasses and shoes, folded her clothes in a little pile, and walked into a canal. They didn't find her body til days later.

It's horrible because the images still flash in my mind even though I was not there to personally witness any of it.

Even more than that, the uncontrollable emotions that come with remembering her death. I did a huge semester long research project on suicide because of this. It helped some. But I realized the other day when I was considering what to do for my project that I still haven't fully forgiven her and I still hurt. Nate helped me realize that I really express my emotions through my art, and along with Barb's past lessons, I realized that art may bring me more healing.

Anyway, what I am doing for my project: I'm going up a canyon with "masquerade" type masks. I want to shoot pics with rock slides (very small scale gravel stuff, no worries) and dead leaves and perhaps angry water or leaves being thrown into the air all with the mask. All for different emotional concepts: the rock slide for the impact her choice has had and continues to have on my life now, the dead leaves for obvious reasons, angry water: also obvious. The mask is to symbolize her- I think one of the reasons I am so angry is because I never really got the chance to get to know her as anyone besides my grandma. Maybe that is another reason her suicide got to me, because I hadn't realized that she was a "person" too, with grief, struggles, sorrows, fears. Also, I had just gotten to the age where I was beginning to appreciate that, and wanting to be closer to her, to know her, to be able to spend time with her; yet that was all taken away from me. So I guess we'll see what all comes out of this shoot in the morning.

For Jana

So I love finally taking photo classes again! I'm learning so much and my teacher is AMAZING! There are so many things that never made sense to me before that do now. And it's totally helping my pictures. I also love the assignments she's giving us: one was Urban Streets- I couldn't make it to SLC, but I went to Lehi early in the morning because I really like some of the old buildings there. My shots turned out great! It's really cool the things you start to see when you really begin looking. I found a really great old door with a very odd peeling paint w/ type handle, and a stone lion in the middle of a city block, just randomly guarding the sidewalk.... pretty cool.

Birthday Sunrise

Why am I not a morning person? It is SO beautiful at 5 am! And the lighting is so amazing. We got up this morning to watch the sunrise- it's been a tradition that I've had for myself for several years. I watch the new day begin, look back over the last year to evaluate what I've done and how I've grown, and then set goals and think about what I want to do in the coming year. It's also very spiritual- something I would recommend to everyone.
I actually started doing this about 8 years ago- maybe more. I just remember when it was the new millenium- 2000, new years eve, and I had it in my head to watch the new year begin. Then I decided I would like to do that on my birthday as well, so here we are. :)
Anyway, I was sad I didn't bring my camera- I don't think clearly that early, but I need to get in the habit of bringing it with me everywhere I go, I keep missing out on great opportunities...

New Major

I've finally decided that I need to be only a Photo major- I'm having a hard time officially deciding: It's really tough to think I'l,l have to give up ballroom.... I still want to do it eventually, but it's taking me too long, and I can have a BFA in Photo in 3 full semesters. (after this one) That's a lot sooner than 2-3 years for ballroom. And if I get pregnant in the middle of doing dance, I'll have to basically stop. At least teams, and that is crucial to my degree. SO, Photo is it for now. I think I'll be glad once I'm done. Photo is something I love, I can do it pregnant and from home so I can stay with the kids eventually. I can even take pictures of ballroom- I think I want to take artsy pics of couples. Being a photo major will be hard- there is so much I don't know, and even though everyone keeps telling me that I'm good: I want to be even better. And I want to master all the technicality of photography which is not something that is my forte, I'm way too right brained. But I'll do it, and it will be an excellent challenge. Plus my pictures will be even more amazing because I can understand how to fix my problems instead of making a random guess or trying to "save" something in photoshop. :)

Catching up...

So much for staying caught up! lol. Well I went to girls camp a couple weeks ago, that will wear you out, I don't think I slept more than a couple hours each night. They have way too much energy. I haven't done anything with photography for a while, and I really miss it! I've been looking at some other photographer's websites, and I keep thinking about how much I love it, and wondering why I'm not doing more with it. I also know I'm at least as good. It's just gonna take some more practice, and more importantly, time! Where can I find more of that? I think I definitely want to make photography my major. I love ballroom too, so we'll see if I continue to double major. Maybe I should just specialize in ballroom photography- more of a fine art type rather than a wait-around-at-competitions type. Hmmm, we'll see. I definitely will take a class or two in the fall. The only problem is I'm going to start working full time at my retail job, which is good, believe you me: I really need insurance! And I'm still doing mk like mad to try to pay my dad back sooner rather than later. I like that too, but not as much as photography. I think I want to try photographing my sister in law with her new son- I always like those pictures.

Crazy Life

Wow it has been a little crazy the last month or so... you'd think life would slow down once school was over, but I'm even more busy! And I can't concentrate on just one thing of course. So I still love my photography, and would like to spend more time with it. I also started Mary Kay about a week ago and that is keeping me very busy, I love it, great product, great company, and it's something that I can use with my photography (glamour shots, bridals, etc.). And of course now I am missing ballroom SO much, I need to be dancing again, but maybe in smaller amounts (8 dance classes anyone? I think I was nuts, no wonder I was burnt out!). And I'm still working selling maternity clothes, but now I'm part time at a "real" store, and it's wearing me out already. At least we finally have internet at home, so hopefully I can stay caught up with my blog a little better, although be warned! I have a feeling it's not just going to be about photography anymore.